


i'm not lonely anymore (because of you)

by barkingspiders



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 11:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11274306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barkingspiders/pseuds/barkingspiders
Summary: “Will you–?” He’s convinced that Luhan could ask him to carry a dead body of someone he just murdered, like in that one movie, and he’d still do it.“I will.”





	i'm not lonely anymore (because of you)

**Author's Note:**

> Help, I've discovered HunHan and I can't get up.
> 
> Simply a self-indulgent piece that I spewed out. Nothing extreme, just some missing-Luhan feels and Sehun's big baby moments.

 

 

 

Sehun wrinkles his nose at the acrid smell of the red permanent marker drawing x’s on his worn Chinese poster. He steps back to admire the collection of slashes staining the calendar. _Twelve more days._

 

“So like two more weeks, ay?” Chanyeol twirls a chopstick absentmindedly at the dinner table. “How many minutes, no, seconds left hm?”

 

Sehun pouts and pretends to not listen, proceeding to leaf through the past months of similarly dozens of crossed out days. The first three months without Luhan was hell. Junmyeon had opted to take him out for bubble tea in hopes of restoring a routine of some sort. This quickly backfired, with Junmyeon dragging a sobbing big baby Sehun from the shop and giving him both their drinks to try and quell him. It never tasted the same despite being the exact three famous shops and exact taro flavor he always ordered with Luhan. Not too long after that incident, Sehun stumbled upon Luhan’s legendary Rubik's cube left in the room he had while in Korea (Sehun took a miserable liking to moping in that room, often sleeping in Luhan’s bed to relive the memories).

 

He’s been fiddling with the cube ever since, refusing to learn from Yixing how to solve it. He recalls hiding said cube from Luhan to prevent him from teaching Yixing how to use it, the petty child he was. But really, Sehun did love having Luhan to himself, prided in their ship popularity and tight friendship.

 

Halfway through a miracle in his life, where Sehun felt so loved and so _wanted_ , Luhan fell ill to sleepless nights and pounding headaches. The pang of withdrawal and distance put between them still hurts today, where Sehun was too clueless, too naive to think that Luhan could ever leave _him._

 

And yet he did, leaving Sehun in the dust with new, sultry music and Baekhyun calling, wanting his eyeliner back.

 

A part of him was relieved. Relieved that Luhan would no longer show up at his bedroom door at midnight, the dark circles in his under eyes haunting Sehun to this day. Relieved that the impeding exhaustion and multiple collapses at dance practice would come to an end. A burden off his shoulders when he knows deep down that the crease on Luhan’s pretty, full brows that appeared during these waking nights would smooth out with time away from gruelling exercises and shackled, greedy managers. He wanted Luhan apart of his life–forever–but he wanted a healthy Luhan, fresh and smiling and gorgeously handsome like the first day he met him at SM, his first friend.

 

Sehun went through the cycles of grief, guilt ringing particularly loud. Regret that Luhan had mouthed to him a desperate _help_ when the strict choreographer demanded yet another cruel hour’s worth of repetition. Again, again, _again._

 

And at that plea, that cry for help, Sehun guiltily, not wanting to attract trouble, turned and blinked his tears away.

 

The tears make major reappearances week after week when the sight of Luhan waving a pained smile at them before disappearing into the departure gate replays in Sehun’s mind mercilessly.

 

“ _Will you be patient until next time? It’s a ‘see you’, not ‘farewell’.”_

 

_“I will.”_

 

He’s back at that same airport, 214 days later.

 

“Let him go alone,” Chanyeol had insisted, in a slight argument with Junmyeon. “Besides, do you really want a bombardment of fans on such a fine ass day like this?”

 

Sehun makes a mental note to send Chanyeol some galbi in appreciation.

 

He taps his oxford shoe in anticipation and tugs the snapback on his head. He didn’t bother with a mask today, he wants Luhan to see him immediately in a hopeful recognition. Sehun nods to the beat flowing from his headphones but eventually tugs out the buds as well. After the thirty-second readjustment of his crooked tie, he perks up at the income of arriving passengers. Searching like a dog to its owner, Sehun scans the crowd for a mop of curls.

 

To his surprise, he noticed Luhan’s nervous set of lips and doe-like eyes before settling onto a completely _unfair_ wave of lavender hair.

 

“Lu!”

 

Luhan snaps his head in the direction of Sehun’s more or less needy yowl. The moment their eyes meet is the moment Sehun feels the air crackle and his lungs collapse. The sea of people are just unnecessary obstacles in the way, and he easily battles and pushes them aside. His mini journey against the onslaught of strangers is rewarded with a glo'd-up version of Luhan thrown into his safe open arms.

 

“Lu Lu,” he all but whimpers, long arms wrapped around the man of his dreams. Sehun would be content to stay like this, refusing to allow Luhan to leave him again. He hears a muffled “Sehunnie” in a painfully affectionate tone in the collar of his wonderfully wrinkled dress shirt. His hands find their way to rest on Luhan’s hips like they used to, fitting like a jigsaw at the handsome curve of taut muscles and underlying bones.

 

Sehun lets Luhan escort them to the side, out of people’s way. They’re still a tangle of arms and heads, unsuppressed sobs slipping past their lips. He nearly jumps out of his trance when Luhan cups his chin, an automatic touch of blooming Sehun smiles, and leans in much too close to his ear, breath tickling the shell.

 

“Take me to the hotel, before you attract too many fans.”

 

 

The back of the cab is a bottle of barely bursting excitement and childish joy. Their knees knock as they sit facing each other in the backseat. Sehun could die of nostalgia and longing when Luhan places an all too familiar yet foreign hand on his upper thigh as if it were an afterthought, no, second nature.

In the past, Sehun would get a warm buzz in the depths of his tummy at simple skinships like this. The simmering warmth was possibly the content at feeling cared for, looked after. Unbeknownst to him now, the spread of sugary white fingers on his leg burns a brand right through his trousers and lights a forgotten flame in coils of his lower stomach.

 

 

“Will you hold this for me?” Luhan hands him his carry on luggage before turning to the receptionist for a room key. He’s convinced that Luhan could ask him to carry a dead body of someone he just murdered, like in that one movie, and he’d still do it.

 

“I will.”

 

 

Luhan barely has time to shut the hotel door behind him when Sehun picks him up in a bear hug, grinning at the attractively adorable little yelp Luhan makes. His feet are still dangling off the ground as Sehun stomps playfully to the bedroom.

 

“P-put me down–” a gasp of laughter. “–Sehun!”

 

When Sehun does lower Luhan onto the springy mattress like a royal prince, his throat tightens at the sight before him.

 

The shorter male has a jet-lagged, crook grin as he peers through those fanned out dark lashes up at Sehun. His hair is perfectly ruffled, the shade of lilacs and eggplants. What damned genius hair stylist thought of putting a center part on Luhan, because if Sehun reacts this badly, he has no doubt about the heartthrob back in China.

 

He joins Luhan on the full bed, tugging him into an animal-like nuzzle. Sehun hears a relieved sigh exhale out of those perfect lips, and a perfect hand toying with the little hairs at the nape of his neck.

 

“You look well.” Sehun murmurs. He’s taken to pulling Luhan into his lap while leaning his back against the headboard. Luhan stirs idly.

 

“That’s because I am,” A tremor is heard next. “For the most part.”

 

Luhan yelps again in surprise when Sehun bolts upright. He rubs an apologetic hand on the graceful curve of Luhan’s spine for scaring him but a worried frown is now evident on his face.

 

“What’s wrong?” he demands.

 

An indifferent shrug. “Just really busy. I make myself busy,” Luhan cuts in before Sehun could insert a scold. “Because I’m so lonely, Sehun. I miss you guys. I miss you.”

 

Seoul Arts school never taught him how to manage such fluttery feelings in the pit of his gut when his crush of three years says such heart-thrumming things in such a casual voice. At a lost for words, Sehun just draws looping circles on Luhan’s knee, automatically smiling when Luhan squeaks at how ticklish it is. Circles, around and round. Like Luhan’s schedule of music, singing, acting, sponsoring, repeat.

 

“You don’t have anyone to keep you company?”

 

“I have you, now.”

 

Sehun pushes forward despite the wave of want dizzying his head. “No I mean, back at home. A girl or something?”

 

Luhan twists around in his feline slouch to give him a sharp glare. “You know I don’t swing that way.”

 

“I just had to reconfirm my sense of security and hope. Sorry.”

 

“Hope for what?”

 

A nervous gulp. “Nothing.”

 

The humming of the mini fridge fills the silence and Sehun is suddenly aware of Luhan nodding drowsily, eyes flickering. Sehun kicks off his shoes and gingerly removes Luhan’s as well before wrapping the duvet around them both.

 

_Who wakes you up in the morning?_

 

_My alarm._

 

_Who tucks you in at night?_

 

_No one._

 

He hears a light _ping_ from his phone and winces when Luhan’s eyelids tremble at the sound. Maintaining his hold on Luhan with one hand and pulling out the cursed device with the other, he’s hit with a jolt that no, SM didn’t allow for him to spend the night, and no, SM didn’t allow Luhan back in the dorm for his temporary visit. Moments like these triggers a fuming silent anger towards the company he was bound to, the same company that eroded the angel in his arms.

 

“What was that…?” Luhan mumbles, rubbing his eyes blearily.

 

“Manager,” More reluctantly, “I have to leave, Lu. I’m so sorry.”

 

Sehun stands up, the mattress rising from less weight. He hesitates and sits back down. A hand reaches out to stroke his hair and he croons at the touch. Sehun clasps the other hand and draws it to his face, sniffing the skin for Luhan’s signature cologne. Without thinking, he presses his lips to the inner wrist and freezes the same time Luhan does. Was he too bold? Was that too much?

 

“What was that for?” His heart is accelerating and he merely lets the sensation overtake his nerves. Sehun bends down and touches his forehead to the other’s, amber eyes watching him carefully.

 

“For leaving me,”

 

He wouldn’t be too surprised if Luhan kicked him out right now. Not only did he violate the friendship rules of _no kissing allowed,_ did he also just guilt Luhan for taking care of himself and terminating that toxic contract? Oh, Sehun.

 

A few quiet breaths later, Sehun feels utterly electrified when Luhan yanks him down to his level and kisses him with eager fervor. He senses ten seconds pass, then ten more, one, two, three–

He whines like the maknae he is when Luhan pulls away. Their pants for air mingle when Luhan simply allows for their noses to brush.

 

“What was _that_ for?”

 

“For waiting for me.”

 

All traces of sleep are gone in Luhan’s alert eyes, endearing smile lines wrinkling the corners when Sehun pumps a victory fist. Sehun couldn’t help but pepper puppy kisses from his forehead to soft eyelids, the plush cheeks and a teasing corner of his mouth. There’s this invigorating feeling of accomplishment when he makes Luhan giggle gaily in cute little fits. He throws a leg over Luhan and tucks an arm under Luhan’s head. The other hand is put to use with exploring caresses rucking up the black tee.

 

“That tickles,” Another fairy giggle.

 

“I swear anywhere is ticklish on you. You even start laughing before I touch you, here,”

 

Luhan has tears in his eyes when he doubles over and clings to Sehun, breathless protests of _I can’t breath, show me mercy, Hunnieee._

 

He finally stops his evil deed and leans away to take in the view. Sehun runs a finger along Luhan’s jawline.

 

“You look so gorgeous when you smile, hyung.”

 

Luhan wipes an eye before blinking owlishly at him. “Are looks the only thing I serve?”

 

It’s more of a joke, but Sehun has only six damn days to get this right.

 

“No.” He says firmly. Taupe eyebrows raise. “Your solo career...wow, just wow.”

 

“Is that a good thing?”

 

Sehun presses a hand at the small of Luhan’s back and cradles him closer so they’re lying down, facing another. “Hell yes. Look how successful you are, all on your own.”

 

“My parents didn’t support it.”

 

“I know, Lu,” Sehun takes an earlobe in between his teeth gently and savors the shaky sigh he gets. “That was very brave of you.”

 

The distant sound of traffic and ambient noises settles them into comfortable silence. Sehun had long forgotten about his strict text message to return to the dorms until Luhan speaks up quietly.

 

“Will you stay the night?” _No, stay forever?_

 

“I will.”

 

 

 

A serious talk at the boss’s office and looks of disapproval is worth tenfold when Sehun wakes with his nose in a purple nest of curls, stubbornly refusing to remain straightened. He inhales the coconut scented shampoo twice before twisting his head to eye the clock. 1 o’ clock. Afternoon? They’d slept for twelve hours, considering last night’s murmured talks and a few indulgent extra makeout sessions long after Luhan had asked for him to stay. Sehun had done his twelfth lazy sweep of Luhan’s calm features, a button nose and rosy lips, when the object of his affection blinks awake.

 

“Morning, deer.”

 

Luhan coughs an amused chortle before shoving Sehun playfully.  

 

 

 

The others tackle Luhan at first glance, crushing him in big hugs and playing with his newly dyed hair with wonder. Sehun hums throughout the reunion, cautiously standing at the door on the lookout for SM staff because Luhan was more or less smuggled in as his twin. His guard eventually drops and he joins the boys in celebration of Luhan’s famous milkshakes and Lay’s cooking.

 

He barely survived the guilt of leaving Luhan for dance practice, but a reassuring smile from him sealed the deal like a promise.

 

Later, Sehun is pressing open-mouthed kisses to Luhan’s clavicle with one finger stretching the shirt collar for better access. He’s sharply aware of another hand playing with his own, looped around Luhan’s waist as they (barely) fit and share a seat. Minseok was in the process of relaying a funny story before he pauses to stare at their intertwined hands.

 

“Since when?”

 

“Since the beginning of time,” Baekhyun cackles. “Sehun’s religion is Luhan. Sehun’s ideal type is Luhan, duh.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“W-will you,” Luhan gasps.

 

Sehun doesn’t need to be told twice what to do. He takes Luhan in his hand before sliding back in again. He feeds off the shortened breaths and noises of pleasure.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you darling,”

 

Luhan makes a strangled sound again and Sehun leans further back. The older peeps an eye open at him, questioning why he pulled away.

 

“I want to see you when you come,” His voice turned hoarse sometime halfway through that night. “You’re just so gorgeous.”

 

 

 

 

Sehun is back to his Luhan calendar, worrying a thin lip between his teeth. It’d been twelve rocky months and a strengthened love-hate relationship with the airport that Sehun spent weeks, no, months on end with sporadic meetings with Luhan. The few day visits, some in Korea, some in China, left him insatiated and mildly touch-starved.

 

“You guys seriously need to find a better way to make this LDR work. You look like a lost puppy again.” Chanyeol erases some lyrics on scrap paper. Why was he always there when Sehun nearly lost it at his heartache of an absent lover? “Maybe you guys should end it,”

 

The tall titan ducks at the marker Sehun chucks at him. “No! I meant, stop making it long distance. Not break up. God, you’d watch pork and beef go extinct before you tore yourself away from Luhan.”

 

“But I have a career here. Imagine how Youngjun would react, old boss will _not_ be happy.”

 

“Not long until military conscription, hm? Mine wasn’t too too bad, but I can bet that Jongin will go later than you. He can buy you time.”

 

Sehun gives Chanyeol twelve portions of tonkatsu later. Fucking genius.

 

 

 

Jasmine tea perfumes the air and coils of vapor rises from a lone teacup next to Luhan’s elbow. Sehun inhales happily. He’s curled in the sheets on Luhan’s neatly made bed. Pride warms his chest when he thinks about how he’s the one and only exception to Luhan’s not-a-damn-soul-on-my-bed rule. Sehun tries not to berate himself for his envy of Luhan’s Yellow Fur cat eyeing him with lethargic weariness. Lucky pussy gets the other half of his boyfriend’s attention.

 

“You know,” Sehun begins. Luhan tilts his head slightly from his desk, scrawling on paperwork, to indicate he’s listening. “My greatest wish was to speak Mandarin better so we could communicate more.”

 

“I remember you saying that.”

 

Sehun reaches out to pet the golden tabby but it swats a paw at his hand and hisses. Sehun hisses back.

 

“You know the best way to learn? Use it often.”

 

“Yeah, but everyone in Korea speaks, uh, Korean.”

 

He smirks at the exasperated scoff. “That’s why I’m hinting you should live here. For a little bit.”

 

Sehun jolts into a sitting position, spine rigid straight and the cat catapulting off the bed in fear. “What did you say?”

 

Luhan taps his pen twice before slowly getting out of his seat. Anyone would gawk at his fluid ease, graceful legs carrying him over to his filing cabinet, but Sehun detects nervous falters in his steps. Sehun twitches.

 

“Hyung–”

 

A brief rummaging ends with Luhan tossing him a small object, metal glinting in the lamp light. Sehun runs his finger along the jagged edges in awe. A key. Just for him.

 

“If you want,” Luhan says quietly, unsurely.

 

Important papers and confidential files go flying when Sehun sweeps Luhan into a bridal-style carry and smothers him in kisses. Luhan puts a hand on his chest and regains his breath. He gives Sehun a shy look, eyelashes fluttering.

 

“Will you be my roommate?”

 

Sehun snorts. “ _Just_ roommate? I thought I was dating you, since like, forever.”

 

Luhan fidgets and whines. Sehun presses a kiss to his brow in reassurance.

 

“I will. You don’t know how thankful I am.”

 

Something stirs in his belly, low and hot, when Luhan’s innocent round eyes gleam with something rather coy. “You’re right, I don’t know. Show me.”

 

Sehun bends to kiss him again, this time hard and unwavering, on the lips.

 

“There are more fun things to do than paperwork,”

 

 

 

 

“It’s my turn.” Sehun says thrice. Luhan is giving him a puzzled look, the words had been seethed out with no context whatsoever. “Always ‘will you do this, will you do that?’ Hell, you could ask me ‘will you be my servant’ and I’d be like, aight bet. ‘Will you fuck me tonight?’ Sure thing, hyung.”

 

He tugs on Luhan’s rose curls and lets it spring back. They’re sitting across each other in an elegant sushi restaurant, sixth anniversary in celebration. Luhan’s handsome face is still scrunched skeptically. Over the years, he’d acquired some wrinkles but Sehun argues they add to his charm, his manliness. Luhan extends an arm and fixes Sehun’s silk tie gently.

 

“Hunnie, I won’t know what’s wrong unless you tell me.”

 

Sehun scowls again and crosses his legs before uncrossing. White noise makes his voice sound awfully loud.

 

“Remember when your mom found out about the pairings you were in?”

 

“Ah, yes. She said the girl I marry better look like you or Minseok. That was funny,”

 

Sehun says nothing for a moment, cocking an eyebrow and waits for Luhan to connect the dots. The elder takes a sip of chamomile tea before choking. Luhan raises his wide eyes to meet his.

 

“No way,” he breathes.

 

In the back of his mind, he senses flash photography, but that was irrelevant. Suhan kneels in front of Luhan, knees weak.

 

“Will you–?”

 

“Yes, I will, absolutely.”

 

 

 


End file.
